The Risks
by Proverbial Pumpkin
Summary: K and Tohma. Why they should and should not be kept a secret.


**Title:** The Risks

**Summary:** K and Tohma. Why they should and should not be kept a secret.

**Rating:** G

**Disclaimer:** Not mine.

**Author's Note:** This story is less fluffy than my usual, and it will mean more if you've read some of my others. But if you understand it functions on the usual basis of K and Tohma as an already-formed item, it'll still make sense on its own.

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One thing that Tohma was adamant about, sort of, was keeping personal affairs out of the workplace. And it was less a problem than you might think. I think Tohma knew Shuichi was a lost cause, and that there was no point in trying to keep him from gushing - at the office - about whatever woe-begotten trials he imagined had fallen upon Yuki Eiri and him recently. Other than that, though, people either didn't have anything to tell or were pretty professional about things. Noriko was happily married, we assumed Fujisaki was asexual. Hiro was also a reasonable guy with regards to the headband chick, other than the fact that he actually let her wear it. And people like Ryuichi and Sakano were too dysfunctional to realistically expect anything in the ways of relationship drama.

Which was good for me, since in their separate ways they both idolized and loved the same man as I did.

So the only real concern for Tohma, I found out one day… was me. Bad Luck was having a semi-productive late afternoon when my pager went off and I was obliged - happily - to leave Sakano in charge, to use the term loosely. For all practical purposes, that meant break time for Bad Luck. I headed upstairs.

"Close the door, K-san," Tohma said when I moseyed into his office. He was studying a newspaper closely, and laid it down face up as I sat on the corner of his desk. His eyes narrowed. "Off."

If Tohma wanted me _off_ his desk during a closed-door, one-on-one meeting, then I guess it really was work-related… but you can't blame a guy for trying. "Evening, boss," I said, grinning. "Secret business today?"

"I wouldn't call it that," he said, standing and tugging his jacket down straight. He was in fairly muted form today- just a dark, double-breasted suit and hat. "We need to talk."

Honestly? At the moment, nothing would have pleased me more. It was nearly five, and the autumn sun was dipping behind the Tokyo buildings outside Tohma's window. The sun bounced off glass outside, casting the reflections of reflections onto panels of black and silver. The light that fell into the room was vivid- yellow and warm. It fell unnaturally on the shoulders of Tohma's suit, and the brim of his hat, and made his features seem darker than they were as he faced away from it, towards me, and he walked around to the front of his desk.

That told me this was meant to be a dialogue of some sort. If I'd been called up to be berated, he would still be seated, hands folded. I waited for him to start, with my hands in my pockets.

He handed the newspaper he'd been looking at to me. "Look. The Assistant Event Chair for Step80 was caught at a restaurant with an intern for a rival channel. JTV."

I scanned the page. It was a corner story in the back, in tiny print. I barely recognized any of the names. "So?"

"So," he said, dropping the paper back onto his desk, "within hours JTV had looked into it, and discovered there was a relationship between the two. Nothing remotely underhanded, but the intern's employer was fired."

"Unfortunate. Doesn't say any of that here."

"It doesn't say any of that here because neither of them are in the public eye. No one cares about Event Chairs and people behind the scenes of entertainment." He looked steadily into my eyes, waiting.

I nodded, and my voice was flat. "Like me."

"Precisely. I, on the other hand, have to be more alert to these things. You and I have been careful so far, and a little bit lucky, but we need to have something in place for if someone working for a magazine, or someone with a camera, stumbles across something that leads them to find out about us. I'm opting to get your input on this."

Ever the gracious one. I shrugged. "Shuichi and Yuki Eiri went public almost willingly. Cameras and all- it didn't seem to be a problem." And I may have had something small to do with it but it had been a gold star weekend for Bad Luck sales. I'd bought a new car stereo at the end of the month. "It turned out alright."

"Yes," Tohma answered slowly, as if he were talking to a twelve-year-old. He crossed his arms and tilted his head, as if he wasn't sure I had the comprehensive skills to understand the situation. The sunset cast an intense orange through his hair, barely reaching the edge of his face and his impatient features. "But they're in two different medias. They're in absolutely no competition with one another, even though they pander to the same demographic. Their audiences were shocked and appalled and delighted. Notwithstanding the ensuing sexual assault on Shindou-san and Eiri-san's serious medical issues, it was a brilliant career move."

I'm not proud of it, but these kinds of comments from Tohma didn't even phase me anymore. The tip of the sun cast his shadow towards the center of the room. "But," he continued, "if people know you and I are together, then every move I make regarding Bad Luck, whether to renew your contract or dissolve the act, will be under massive scrutiny from all sides."

"It already is," I pointed out.

"But on a level I can control."

I sat back up on the corner of his desk, resting my weight forward with my palms on the edge. "So, what are you proposing we do? What kind of 'plan'?"

He pressed lightly at my back, nudging me off his coveted mahogany. "I think we should invest more into these news and gossip avenues. Some of them are entirely under my control, others only partly or not at all. Step80, for example, owes its success in its first decade to Nittle Grasper, but channels like JTV, and their magazine, were established later and aren't as dependent on us. Some of them don't owe us enough to make it worth _not_ running a story about the NG president and his number two band's manager."

"What're you thinking, then? Start throwing money at them now, so they'll be thoroughly bribed when something about you and me leaks?"

"Close. Business," he said, shaking his head and smiling. "We're going to throw our business at them until they can't afford to upset this particular corporation."

"And then you'll be safe."

"We both will be."

"Right." I scratched at my arm once. I wasn't keen on this mixing of personal and office speak, but for different reasons than Tohma. Such _active_ concealment of what was fast becoming the most important relationship of my life was unnerving. And quite honestly, it was also kind of a drag.

"Something wrong, K-san?"

Yes. "I don't know, Tohma," I said, leaning back against his desk beside him. I ran a finger along the material of his sleeve for a second, then crossed my arms. "Would it be so terrible if people just knew? I think we should at least consider the benefits."

He shook his head. "Yes, it would be and no, we shouldn't."

I ignored him, counting off points on my fingers. "Nittle Grasper would get a quick boost in sales. Your female fans would love it, no matter who I am."

Tohma checked his watch. I knew it was near the end of the day, but he said nothing about the time. Instead, he answered me. "The sales wouldn't be anything drastic. I'm not Sakuma-san."

"No, but as far as Nittle Grasper fans are concerned, you're the next best thing. And you and I wouldn't have to sneak around anymore. We wouldn't have to coordinate things so carefully and lie to people. It's exhausting, and depressing."

He shot me a look. "I've never heard you complai-"

"_And_," I pressed on, "maybe I want people to know."

And I secretly did. NG was a community, the top bands a twisted little family, and I wanted some of them in on it. I wanted people to sense that Tohma wasn't aloof and miserable and that he mattered to me more than anything. They could know.

"Know what?" he demanded sharply, his voice accusing. "That you're sleeping with the president?"

I acted like it didn't sting. "That I'm _with_ _you_." You idiot. "You may think of us as an inconvenient secret, but I don't and you said you wanted my input. I think I make a reasonable case."

Tohma had a response, but as he opened his mouth his phone rang. He looked exasperated and swiped it up. "Yes? Yes, thank you. Tell him I'll do it first thing in the morning. Good-bye." He turned back to his desk, gathering his things. The sun had set.

"Sakano?" I asked, nodding towards the phone.

"Sakuma-san," he said, "and that's another thing. I think it would make some of our co-workers very uncomfortable if we continued… _this_… in the open."

"Like who?"

"Well, for one thing," he answered, "I think it would seriously strain the mental stability of your producer. Potentially on an unprecedented level." I couldn't argue with that- Sakano would probably jump out a window if he heard his beloved Shacho was in a functioning relationship with me, of all people. The only thing that had kept his resentment towards Mika in check was his unmitigated fear of her.

Tohma motioned me towards the door and started walking, hitting the lights on our way out. "And more importantly," he said, his voice going softer, "I think it would make Sakuma-san uncomfortable."

I looked at him quickly. Ryuichi always seemed to come up. "How uncomfortable? Why?"

Tohma didn't catch my tone, and pressed the elevator button habitually. "He's already unhappy that he has to share me with the rest of the world. And anyway, in the event that we couldn't contain the media, whose background do you think they'd start scouring as soon as they were done with me?"

That was fair. Every aspect of Tohma and Ryuichi's acquaintance –since the day they met- would probably be gone over with a fine-tooth comb. "Would they find anything?"

"Of course not," Tohma said quickly. "The point is, I'm not about to subject him to that unnecessarily. It's not worth causing him the trouble, or having to take care of him once it starts. And then it'd be an even bigger mess if you and I broke up-"

"Tohma!"

"I said if! And then they'd want me to justify my marriage…" He looked like just the thought of it made him tired. "None of it's worth it. The open arena is too brutal, and whatever personal consolation you might- we might get from going public just isn't worth the energy and the risks."

The corridor was cold from the end-of-day foot traffic out towards the parking lot.

I relented. Tohma rarely backs down, and he never does when Ryuichi's in the equation, no matter how peripherally.

But part of me wished he saw it differently, that it was worth risking what Yuki Eiri had risked for Shuichi and that Ryuichi's interests were secondary to ours. Part of me wished Tohma wanted to come to work and be proud that he was with someone who cared about him and made him happy. But he wasn't about to become something he's not, and I rummaged for my keys as I held the building door open for him.

"Tohma, let me ask you. What do you see when you look at me here, at work? Like now?"

He didn't seem to trust the question –it was outside our usual language- and his eyes were stern. "I see the manager of my second best-selling band. And I hope you see your employer and a rival manager."

I nodded. "Sure, I do." Nope.

Tohma already had his keys out, and he stopped me heading towards my parking spot further back. "So do we understand each other, K-san? I'll get to work preemptively on the media, but we'll keep it all under wraps for as long as possible. I need your agreement on this."

I sighed, and glanced a moment at inner-city Tokyo around us, at the stop lights and headlights and artificially-illuminated corporation signs. Then I looked at Tohma, who was intently waiting for my answer, and I couldn't help feeling very worried that he had been too long in this direction, that he couldn't tell what it had all become.

"Alright, Tohma," I answered, and found no reward in his smile. I watched him, the fluorescent lights hitting his hair as he opened the door to his Eclipse. I wanted to stop him, to tell him that even though I didn't have as far to fall as he did, I'd still give it all up- and more if I had it, industry be damned- if that's what it took to be with him. But the risk. The risk of what he wouldn't say back wasn't worth it.

So for now, alright.

_The End._

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**Author's Note:** This was just a change of pace from the usual fluff & cute kisses. And just a teensy bit of foreshadowing towards a longer fic I've got brewing (love triangle- three guesses who.) Anyway, thanks for reading.


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